Three to Five Times a Week

A funny thing happened today. I was told what to do about something that is personal. We’ll discuss that at a future time. Something else weird happens. Oddly enough, it didn’t happen today, but it might as well have. It happens three to five times a week. I could be talking with someone. Working at my desk. Working in my office. Working in a conference room. Working. Working. Working. I could be watching TV. I could be sitting, staring at one of my picture shows in my head.

Then, it becomes hazy. Foggy. I squint to regain my focus. the focus never comes. I close my eyes, hoping my personal picture show comes back. A different picture show comes instead. A white, squiggly show. Always off to the corner. He never comes into clear focus, but I imagine searing white gears spinning, usually fast.

I don’t panic anymore. Would you, if it became habitual? I go to my closest stock of pain medication. The best combination to date is one excedrin, three ibuprofen. I am hesitant to go much stronger than that. Not for fear that it wouldn’t work, a different fear. Again, that is for a later time. I put one pill in my mouth and swallow with my eyes closed. Next pill. Swallow. Eyes closed. Next Pill. Swallow. Eyes closed. Next pill. Swallow. Eyes Closed.

By this time I sit where ever I had the fortune of being at the time. I keep my eyes closed. I take my bottle of water and press it to my eye. By this time, my eyeball has become warm to the touch and the cold of the water is the only soothing I will have until the episode is over or I had a chance to sleep. In addition to the heat, I feel my eyeball swelling. I usually fear that it will burst from the pressure. But, that hasn’t happened to date. I’m sure Laura would still love Pirate Mike.

The “aura” spectacular usually lasts from 15-30 minutes. The longer it lasts the more nauseated I become. I begin to walk around with the look of someone who has just lost a parent or close friend. Without fail, someone asks if I’m okay. Yes. I have a migraine. You need me to drive you home. No, I need you to leave me the eff alone until I speak to you again. Not a moment sooner and it irks me more when you fein compassion. I won’t do it for you, please don’t do it for me.

When the world lights up and my personal picture show comes into focus, I fight off the urge to vomit where I’m standing and resume the activity I should have been doing in the mean time. Three to five times a week.

2 Comments

  1. Mike, I can’t fathom this happening three to five times a week. I have had about two in my lifetime and wouldn’t wish them on anyone. They run in my family. I am not feigning compassion, but I do help you find some relief from the pain and fear that come with them.

    Reply
    • thanks, erin. i was speaking of a general person that knows that i get them often, but then somehow forgets that nothing can be done about it, so i have a similar conversatio almost weekly. i appreciate all support. especially from friends!

      Reply

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