Sometimes, when I dream, I forget I’m dreaming and interact with the world around me. I reach out and touch the lives of the beings inside of the subconscious subduings of my sedated mind. I hold profound conversations with likenesses of my wife and celebrities that have come to pass. I make love to people I’ve never met and I make love with the wife of my dreams. The wife who sleeps next to my barley battered brain.
This is all well and good except when I hold lucid conversations with loved ones or coworkers and a blank stare comes over me. I quickly load up my personal picture show and then try to decipher if the story or conversation I’m conducting is based in reality or all part of my subconscious picture show. I search for the answer, but as I get older, it is becoming harder and harder to gain control of what is reality and what is actuality.
My dreams are becoming more and more vivid. Vivid entertainment. The only situations I know aren’t real is when I dismount Sarah Silverman or have a deep conversation with my maternal grandpa. The other vividness, the mundane, ordinary, everyday subconscious picture show is interfering with my personal picture show. I feel I am beginning to lose grip on actuality.
This could be fueling my anxieties and compulsions. The need to wash my hands after I touch nearly anything that does not belong to me. The need to get all the grease off of my hands after a meal. I can’t touch wood. I hate wood. Why are things made of wood? Did I talk about wood already? Have I repeated this already? Have we had this conversation? Why can’t I remember 20 minutes ago, but I can close my eyes and remember 20 years ago like it is happening now.
Old sugar and prescription pills may be the combo that have misfired the synapses in my head, causing the constant confusion and calamity. I will pull through, though. I always do. I will just lay my head down and try to see dreams. Maybe tonight Harrison Ford will guide me to the way. My subconscious personal picture show will subdue me and get me ready for the next day.
Please to enjoy.