Road House

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face? And I mean rear back and try to break their face punch. Was it something someone said to you. Was it something that happened to you? Did you get cut off? Sneezed on, called out, thrown under the bus, bumped into, farted on, given an STD, listened to country? What? What was it that made you so mad, you wanted to physically shatter bones in the face of another human being?

It doesn’t happen to me often. I’m super passive aggressive and rather cut people at the knees with words or prolonged torment. I don’t have much need for violence. I don’t understand MMA and the appeal, I was punched in the ear at Ericsen’s wedding and didn’t retaliate. Violence is just not part of me. All those things above would probably not get much of a reaction out of me, except the country. But there are two things that make me physically angry. I can explain one of them. Not the other, so much.

Bad fake accents. I can’t take it anymore. If you are sitting around with friends doing Goodwill Hunting quotes, that’s one thing. But if you are cast in a blockbuster movie and are doing a fake british accent while being a reporter from New York, it makes me want to hurt anyone that comes near me. I have to take deep breaths, repeat a Frank Costanza mantra and go to my personal picture show. There are few actors who can pull it off. Hugh Laurie and Nicole Kidman. That is about the end of it. Comment with someone better or comparable and I can find where I can hear their accent.

There is one more thing that makes me want to punch people as soon as I see them. I don’t know why, but it has been this way since high school. It is the instant I see a frighteningly ugly face, my first reaction is to ball my fist and punch them square in the brain. There was a girl in my high school. We’ll call her RJ. I would look up from my book, see her bizarre face and this intense feeling of anger would over come my body and I could feel the kinetic energy flowing through my right arm.

I’ve had this feeling again. Early 2000s. Missy Elliot. Every time I see her dumb lips, connected to her dumb face, below her dumb eyes, I fight back the instinct and urge to put my fist through the TV or computer screen. Someone explain to me, why extremely ugly people make me angry. And yes, I get that they may be nice or have a great personality, but that is something that stupid people say. So, when was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face? Do you want to punch me in the face?

Please to enjoy.

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