My Heart Opened and Blossomed

“A few days after we came home from the hospital, I sent a letter to a friend, including a photo of my son and some first impressions of fatherhood. He responded, simply, ‘Everything is possible again.’ It was the perfect thing to write because that was exactly how it felt.”   Jonathan Safran Foer, Eating Animals

In late summer, 2008, I began to feel that everything was possible again. Laura and I had returned from our failed year in Florida in 2007. We were dirt poor. We had to stay with relatives while trying to build our income. We were able to get two full-time jobs, and shortly before the bubble bursting, we bought a nice, starter, ranch home. That was late fall of 2007.

We celebrated our new home and this new chapter in life by conceiving the most precious, cutest, bundle of holy shit that fall. In the winter we had our first annual “After Xmas Before New Years” party in 2007. It was a good little shin dig. We played beer pong. We danced. We sang. We laughed. No crying. That was the last party we had without responsibilities.

I started getting suspicious around the end of November. Laura’s never been the best at tracking her cycle, but I always knew. Not sure if that’s because I have three older sisters but I tend to notice things like that. Self preservation, I suppose. Anyway, November came and went and nothing fell from her nethers. December came and nothing. Laura started getting suspicious a little before Christmas. We bought the tests and prepared for it the way everyone should. By getting sloppy with your friends.

She took the test the next day and she passed. We were going to have a baby. That summer went fast and slow. On August 24th, we went to my sister’s house to swim. We were celebrating my niece’s 15th birthday. Her birthday is on the 25th. We had fun in the sun. It was a sunday, so when we went home we wanted to wind down. I put Curb your Enthusiasm on and Laura jumped up and embryonic fluid fell out of her and all over the couch. This was it.

I will tell the story of Kennedy’s birth at a later time. To sum up now, Laura was in labor for over 25 hours and it ended in an emergency C-section. My daughter was born just before midnight. I looked at her. She was awful looking. All newborns are. newborns look like smashed dogs. But, what they lack in physical appearance they make up in unconditional love. I just met her, but my life had changed instantly. For the past four years, all my love had been given to one person. I did not know that it was possible to have any more love in my heart, but the moment I saw Kennedy’s wrinkled face, the love in my soul immediately blossomed.

Everything was possible again. In 2009, Laura and I repeated history. I became suspicious in November. We confirmed after the party. The summer went much like 2008. This time, the C-section was planned and my son, Miles was born early Friday morning on September 10th. We spent the weekend in the hospital and Miles got to watch his first Bears game on Sunday. Calvin Johnson did not complete the process of the catch. I had my family. Once again my heart opened and blossomed. I now had three people in the world that I would do anything for. I would lie, cheat, steal or die for them. Anything to make sure the three of them were taken care of.

Kennedy

Kennedy Skye

the family 2012

the family 2012

Miles Patrick

Miles Patrick

With Kennedy and Miles I learn new things every day. I watch them grow and learn. To see the inquisitive looks and the determination in everything they do makes my chest feel gooey. I smile when they smile and I hurt when they hurt. People often joke about the “why” questions, how they find them annoying. I love them. I love it when Kennedy tries to figure things out. I can’t wait until Miles can start asking why outright. He doesn’t verbalize it yet, but you can see it in his extremely large eyes.

I truly feel blessed to be a father. When I look in the mirror, I still see the same idiot from college, but I have come so far from that kid. Together with Laura, I am responsible for the lives of two miniature human beings. These mini people have such great personalities, taking the best of me and the best of Laura. Kennedy thinks she’s funny (me). Miles is just funny (me). Kennedy is drop dead gorgeous (Laura). Miles eyelashes are inches long (Laura). Kennedy is smart (Laura and me). Miles is smart (Laura and me). I am so very proud to be their father. I’m trying hard to be a father and not a dad. Happy father’s day to me! With you two everything is possible again. Your mom and I can relearn all the joys in life. Kids, I love you, I love you.

Please to enjoy.

2 Comments

  1. It’s so important that you’re doing this kind of writing for you (and Laura), but most importantly for Kennedy and Miles. There are so many fathers who never tell their kids about their hearts blossoming (love that line) and you took the time to replay those two days that changed everything. I can’t think of anything better.

    Reply
    • I’ve thought about printing these up when they graduate high school as part of a little scrap book. I think that might be kind of cool.

      Reply

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