“No, you slut! I just asked if you remembered him.”
“Of course I remember him. Everybody used to make fun of that poor guy.” Angeline said.
“They probably still do, unfortunately. But he had this caretaker. Like a manny.”
“That fucking Josh Hartnett looking guy who was fresh out of college?” Angeline interrupted. Sammy slowly nodded her head and stuck her tongue through her teeth as she smiled. Angeline hit her with her elbow again. “How the hell did you do that? And how the hell did I not know about it?”
“I told you can’t tell anyone.”
“Why the hell not? That dude is hot as hell!”
“Because, bitch. I was only 16 at the time.”
“Told you I wasn’t so innocent.”
“Apparently not.” Angeline stumbled on her own feet and Sammy steadied her as they continued forward. “I need some details. All of them.” She put her hand up to her mouth motioning back and forth sticking her tongue into the side of her cheek.
“Are you 16 now?” Sammy asked. Angeline shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“From the beginning of course.”
“Well, in the summer after sophomore year my mom set me up to help tutor Mikey in math. I’ve always been a math whiz.”
“You’re kind of rain manny.”
“I’m an excellent driver. I drive slow on the driveway when my dad came to Walbrook.” Angeline laughed at Sammy’s bad impression. “So, there I was. Sitting in Mikey Magoo’s kitchen, with these giant tits when I was 16 and what do I see walk in the back door, shirtless?”
“Josh fucking Hartnett.”
“Josh fucking Hartnett. Or, as I so endearingly like to refer to him as, Jason the cherry-popping Jacobs.”
“Pretty romantic.” Angeline said.
“It gets pretty much a lot better. I see him, come in, glistening, pretty much looking like Fabio on a romance novel sans the long hair and I almost slide right off the chair I’m sitting on. He smiles at me and I swear to god the sun glinted off of his teeth like a fricken cartoon. I think I said moo or gah-gah or some dumb ass mumble, because he just looked at me and was just like, ‘are you okay?’ I was just like, yeah sure.
“He walked past me and his sweat smelled fucking musty and my vag just went on fire. I was freaking the fuck out.”
“Wait, wait, wait. I know I’m pretty drunk, but something isn’t making sense here.”
“What’s that?” Sammy asked.
“Why the hell is this hot-shot walking around with his shirt off all porno style? I think I’m getting an edited slash bullshit version here.”
“This is no bullshit. In all the years that you’ve known me have I ever been a bullshitter?” Sammy insisted.
“No, you haven’t. But this is pretty hard to buy. Plus you totally would have told me back then.”
“I told you that I couldn’t tell you. I’m totally not lying. I swear on Kyle’s soul.” Kyle was Sammy’s three-year-old niece. She adored her niece and spoiled her to no end.
“Okay, okay. I might believe you a little bit. Go on.”
“Well, after forcing myself to try to focus on tutoring Mikey it was time for me to go and as I was leaving, Jason asked me if I need a ride home. At first I looked over my shoulder to make sure that he wasn’t talking to someone else, because you know?” She motioned to her face. “But he was talking to me and I was like, fuck yeah, dude. I’ll ride you home, I mean I’ll take a ride.
“I got into his car. It was some sort of late 90s sports car. It was green. It smelled like vanilla air freshener and stale smoke. We got in and when he started it up the Beastie Boys started blasting. God, I was in fucking instant love. I don’t even think we talked about anything but I don’t know what came over me, but I totally whored out and went down on him before we even got halfway down the street.”
“You are a whore.” Angeline laughed.
“No kidding, right?”
“I know. I just said it. Is that it? I thought he popped your cherry.”
“He did. Just not that night.”
Please to enjoy.